"To entertain, inspire, frighten, teach, and entice as many readers as possible." - Keith Helinski
Wastin' Away Press features Keith Helinski's writings, ranging from short stories online to movie reviews over the years. Also features an assortment of Keith's interests. If you like what you see, check out Wastin' Away Press's official Facebook.
'…it's more like a nightmare!' touches upon heavy topics and issues people deal with in their every day life, like the temptation of chopping individuals up into little pieces and stuffing the pieces into movie theater seats, or finding out you are the last survivor of the human race after a zombie infestation takes over the planet, or being stuck in line between a TEAM EDWARD fan and a TEAM JACOB fan (now that’s damn scary!)
The eBook is free for two more days. Please check it out, and let me know your thoughts (whether you thought it was the greatest or it sucked) by reviewing via Amazon.
I am planning on writing a sequel to this story down the road, with poor-poor Ron stuck in the middle of a midnight premiere of ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ And yes, I will go see it whenever it does come out - just for the entertainment value. :p
To this day, I still don’t understand the ‘Twilight’ fad. After watching the remaining films last week, I am left with so many questions.
Why was there a TEAM JACOB and a TEAM EDWARD when the fan-base already knew the outcome of the series, and who would end up winning Bella’s heart?
Why was JACOB/EDWARD fighting over Bella in the first place, when the girl had no depth/personality, or substance, other than wanting a boyfriend?
Why didn’t the CGI wolves look proportioned throughout the series?
In ‘Breaking Dawn: Part One,’ what the hell was the filmmakers thinking of filming the honeymoon scenes in a CGI-looking lake?
What was going through the minds of the filmmakers when they thought it was a good choice making Bella’s/Edward’s baby CGI? Follow up question: why was their child CGI throughout the WHOLE MOVIE?!?
Did the filmmakers even pay attention to the inconsistency editing of ‘Breaking Dawn: Part Two,’ in which during the lack-luster battle tail-end of the movie, the camera does close up shots, focusing on what appears to be hundreds of blood-thirsty vampires from Italy, ready for battle - but kills the vibe in the scene with long angle shots of maybe ten vampires in the same group?
During all of this, the one question I still kept asking myself - people actually think this is good?
All and all, I had a good laugh with the ‘Twilight’ series. I didn’t think it could get any worse than vampire baseball. The CGI kid during the last ‘Twilight’ tops it all of WTF moments.
The author of RAISE YOUR GLASS is starting to finally get a chance to sit down, relax, and LOL to the remaining ‘Twilight’ films I’ve haven’t seen yet (only has taken me a few years). I’ve been thinking about having a ‘Twilight’ marathon for some time now, but I don’t think me (or my wife) could handle that. We might die from being exposed to glimmering vampires and forced dumbed-down dialogue.
We could’ve re-watched the first two movies, but I didn’t want to stomach vampire baseball and a ten-minute montage of an empty chair in a classroom, so we started things off with the unnecessary filler movie: ‘Eclipse.’ The film was 40 minutes too long (could’ve trimmed down the repetitive exposition, which was over-explained at least five times in the film), decrease how many times TEAM JACOB says the word FEEL, and toned down Bella/Edward blank stares. What I did enjoy from the film was the back-stories of the vampires in the Cullen clang, but ‘True Blood’ does a better job with those kind of scenes. Then again, ‘True Blood’ is better made trash. This is just…trash!
Majority of the film is bad. Very bad. Not only is the dialogue horrible (and the acting, just as ugh), but the pacing/editing/and CGI - almost looks fan-made.
Forget the whole ‘chick-flick’ argument, I’ve seen rom-com’s that are better executed/directed/presented than ‘Eclipse.’ Usually, when filmmakers cut one scene into another scene, they would pay attention to how it flows coherently. There’s no flow to this film. It’s sad that none of the ‘Twilight’ fans noticed that.
As for me, I had one hell of a good LOL-fest (my wife and I should’ve recorded our commentary of the experience!)
Will be seeing the final film(s) within the week. Wish me luck!
Being one of those hard core, obsessed fans myself, I found this to be light hearted and amusing. I’ve both over heard, as well as been apart of such conversations, and agree with their ridiculousness. Twilight was just a break from day to day life, but for someone that doesn’t feel the same way about it….I can understand how obnoxious it must seem.
Kudos to you for shining a light on how silly it must seem to an outsider. Job well done, I enjoyed it.
So close to 50 reviews on Amazon. Just need one more review!!!
I do intend writing a follow-up to the misadventures of poor-poor Ron in the distant future. This time around, the poor guy will be stuck in the middle of a midnight screening of ‘Fifty Shades of Gray.’ Will his inner-goddess unleash itself, or will he be like every other boyfriend that will be dragged to go see it?
This is a day-one instant buy for me. I mean, it has everything I’ve ever wanted in life. Five cinematic classic gems people are going to forget about in ten years, in one bundle. Interviews from the cast who got paid a lot of money to kiss-ass and say how great ‘Twilight’ is when deep down inside, they know it’s a mediocre piece of crap (I am talking to you, Edward Cullan!’)
A shame Summit Entertainment didn’t ask the author of ‘RAISE YOUR GLASS’ to do the commentary for the films. Now that’s a set worth buying.
"So next time you have a drink, make sure to raise your glass up high and toast Ron, poor-poor Ron. You may laugh now my friends, but you certainly would not be laughing if you were stuck in the Twilight saga war zone between a Team Edward fan and a Team Jacob fan!"
"Ignoring the outrageous topic of this work of ”art”, Mr Helinski shows poor writing skills. This story lacks any sign of compassion or respect, Ms Meyer is a new writer, she did a fantastic job with the Twilight Saga. Hence the huge number of books sold worldwide, the overwhelming amount of tickets sold opening day, weekend, and throughout the run of each movie. Than there are the DVD ‘s, scores, soundtracks, jewellery, clothing, and much more merchandise. To bring the marvellous Stephen King into this is and absurd, Mr King has more respect for fellow writers. I wish Mr Helinski success in his attempt to become as writer. I hope he don’t have someone like himself to try to push him down. I found that most people that knows about Twilight either loves it or hates it, so why must these naysayers waste time on Twilight?"
S. Thompson; wonderfully written ‘RAISE YOUR GLASS’ review via Amazon
"It was kind of interesting, actually.
I liked how he mentioned bestiality and necrophilia- people often forget these two. :D at the same time, I kind of felt that the whole “I’ve never read a single page but trust me, it sucks” is kind of overdone. I dunno, maybe it’s because I actually like the books(but it ISN’T my favorite series and I’m not going to act offended, because I’m not. Plenty of people don’t like Twilight.). This isn’t really a parody, either. All in all, it was pretty okay, though. For all religious Twilight fans- don’t read this, you’ll only upset yourself."